Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Incoherent in Decadence


Capitulated with no where to go ...... no where you'd want to go.This feeling of everything being an incoherent pile of shit that is useless & unstimulating to the mind , body or soul , is as vainest & trifling  as anything can be. Thoughts ranging from utter despondence , creating a turmoil of emotions , lead to an assiduous feeling of getting over with all this hoopla called life.

Sit contemplating this world & its worldly creations of 'needs' & end up just disliking every possible thing that there is. Gadgets, movies, technology , music , even people have all lost their charm for them to be. Try to wonder what transpired for things to be this way  , was it a betrayal of trust  or was it a rigid environment of  forced discipline. Or was it simply the disgust of  not having anybody around to share with ...
Whatever it was , it has done its damage & now theres no hope for a way out.

With time on your side (a lot of time !!) &  no place to channel your thoughts into , can lead to an advent of exasperations of a lifetime.  You've become quiescent & obstinacy  becomes your trait. All those who thought of you as a precocious little-being wonder with disgust what made you so truculent & destitute . A fire of indignation burns through & now somebody's got to die.

Impertinence runs high , indolence seems so right . You've become a repository of hate, anger, guilt ,doubt , pain ,care , love ... & start to feel drowsy. Just want to get away from all the rules & regulations which characterize this  existence  of a human being  & sleep is the only nurse left in the whole wide world for the mind now.

If you wake up with a fresh mind , then you just avoided the self destructive, unproductive phase of time. But if you woke up feeling the same as you did before ,  then it begins all over again.

So if sleep can't nurse you back to health then what can ?
The only thing that can nurse back the wounds now is to do all that you wanted  to . Maybe you pick up the phone & call the person you " really "want to talk to  or maybe you go & fix all the wrong that you think exists in this world that made you feel the way you feel...

So you try... try to get back on track , try to be nice , try to be good & try to get that thing you really want.
You try hard , fight off all the indolence , all the negativity to stay on course... you try.
Read all the inspiring stuff, watch all the inspiring  things, start believing in things to become better..
You start believing.

Just as you thought that all would turn out just fine , you get struck with lightening.. again .
The realization strikes you ......
The things you want , can't become true. The  people you want , don't want you.

In a world where everybody just wants to fulfill their vain desires , there is no place for you.
They just want to go to the Malls, to the bars, to the discos, to the movies , to the amusement park ,to the zoo .. they just want to do what they want to & they don't want  you.

So now what's there to do ? except for you to get lost somewhere in the time loop.

                             YOU'RE ONLY AS HEALTHY AS YOU FEEL.

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